


Truth in Wine

by monogrammus



Category: Chang Ge Xing (Song of the Long March)
Genre: F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Historical References, Romance, historical figures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-09 08:27:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 14,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4341359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monogrammus/pseuds/monogrammus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Chang Ge Xing drabble collection of what may have happened, had happened, what I think will happen, and what I hope will happen. Mainly centred around Li Chang Ge, with Ashina Sun/Li Chang Ge as the main pairing. Unbeta'd version.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Chang Ge Xing belongs to Xia Da.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Often one finds one's destiny just where one hides to avoid it._

* * *

Watching the troubled visage of the Turk, she couldn't help comparing it to the image she had conjured up, surrounded by an army of mischievous children who had discussed their battle plans as inconspicuously as they could to provoke their father into playing with them.

The sight of enthusiastic and vigorous children, running and laughing around Ashina Sun was endearing, she thought, sitting under the shade of a tree. Furthermore, he had begun tackling the unguarded ones, with them shrieking in delight and excitement, hoisting them up to his shoulders one by one. Seeing him manhandle even the most delicate-looking daughters made her laugh.

His impatience and quick temper certainly doesn't change, and his rough and brutish ways had once worried her over the children's wellbeing. He smothered her arguments, pointing out that the Han nobility understood little about childcare, thus weak and unreliable youths. Despite herself, she found that she couldn't argue.

Now unable to support himself upright with the load of two on his shoulders, one dangling on his back, clutching an arbitrary hold on the seam of Sun's shirt, and another on his front swinging precariously on his belt, he could not move as fast. The older children who were left began to taunt him with a familiar smug confidence. Irritated, he braced the little ones onto himself and told them to hold on tight, and charged forward with unexpected speed, immediately throwing the children into a panicked frenzy.

Out of options, the ones uncaught began running to her direction, screaming, "Mama! Mama! Backup!"

Chang Ge rose and let herself be led by her children.


	2. Chapter 2

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_If you walk on snow, you cannot hide your footprints._

* * *

Legally deceased. A dormant threat. They wish her to silently disappear, retreat peacefully into the countryside and away from the heart of Tang.

She had long since fallen out of her path of vengeance, and sought out what she truly wished. It had not been easy, as she was primarily a threat to the dynasty with formidable emissaries seeking out her head to present to their master. She had an easy way out; leaving the black blots of her sins stay, not letting it spread like a horrible disease on the white paper of her life.

However, Li Chang Ge simply was not the person to lay low and live peacefully. Smothering the black of her past with the white coat of future deeds was the true challenge.

Thirteen years could change her resolve. After finding a new path, one that had resonated with the wishes of her heart, she had tried to assure her pursuers many times over with valiant feats that compromises no such harm to the empire, even aiding it to its present glory. Tang then had to struggle from threats within and without. While her second uncle brought his house to order, she initiated chaos in the empire's enemies.

Spring of 629, she had brazenly breached enemy territory to wake Du Ruhui as he slept, blade to his neck, to discuss matters over tea before disappearing into the shadows with none of his men the wiser. Simply put, he was a stubborn old ox and ceaselessly sought after her even then. His retreat due to illness did not falter his search. A year after, she stood by his bed side, the shortest of moments where no visitors meandered. They traded idle chatter to agreeable chuckles. The next morning, news of Chancellor Du's passing doused the imperial palace in a mournful lethargy.

Chang Ge knew his response to her proposal when Hao Dou appeared before her, pledging his life. No achievement made her prouder.


	3. Chapter 3

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Good beginnings have good ends._

* * *

The snow fell quietly, drifting against the air like graceful dancers from the ashen sky. He stood, watching the snowfall with distant eyes, feet ankle deep in the mess of dead men and damp cloth, sticky blood and lukewarm snow. The red around him slowly swept under the powder of white, engulfing the bad things under a pure and demure coat.

He could barely register a thing, but his gaze on the weeping sky disappeared. He could not remember the features of the person that approached him before it all dissolved to black.

Throat barren and his side aching, he woke to a scalding sight of orange fire. Wrapped under thick wool and fur, he stirred, and the figure by his side handed him water.

"We're a travelling merchant convoy, and we happened to stop by this area." she started, his face not translating his surprise that his savior was a young lady, "We were too late,"

She had green eyes, he noticed.

"You can stay with us, boy," she said.

A warm pat on his head offered a promise of a new family, a new start, like snow smothering his red streaked past.

His eyes were bright with tears.

"You're safe now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudo, dear guest. You have no idea how happy it makes a writer of an obscure fandom.


	4. Chapter 4

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Beautiful women will have difficult lives._

* * *

At sixteen, Chang Ge had shot down young girls who thought they had finally found their future husband, deliberately and unintentionally.

At eighteen, she was perilously three years into her marriageable age. She watched the scrolls of suitors pining for her burning a marvellous fire. She had no time for follies, concentrating all her strength to ensure her plan's smooth sail.

At nineteen, she and all whom she cares for faced the most decisive turn in their lives.

At twenty-one, she, alongside her most loyal retinues acknowledge the fact that Li Chang Ge would never be wed, and be a lone master to them until her last breath. Not many women her age, not in the central plains nor the grasslands, were unwed.

At twenty-three, she found herself with a promise. Late spring the next year, she was married. By summer, she found that she was with a child. The news was unwittingly an explosive mess.

At twenty-four, she cried an embarrassing amount at the sight of her baby.

At twenty-eight, she realized to her own horror that she had eight children.

At thirty, her illness took a turn for the worse.

At thirty-one, she was bedridden. In the early winter's chill, Chang Ge laid beside her husband and her children who had cried themselves to sleep She closed her eyes and slept.

After the clan's funeral rites took place, a party consisting of family and the closest of retinues raced to Chang An.

Chang Ge's remains lay next to her mother's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay. More thanks for the kudos!


	5. Chapter 5

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Though separated for a thousand miles, those who care for each other are tied together by a thread._

* * *

 

With a basket in hand, she exited the sweets shop, suddenly reminded of the many events that had transpired within a single year. Leaving a short note behind, she mounted one of the sturdiest steads and headed for the grasslands, alone.

She traveled relentlessly for days, even weeks, stopping only for food and sleep or watering her horse. Her mind only knew her destination in approximation. Her heart led her to its exact place. She had barely made it in time.

It was _this_  sight of the sky. It was _this_  mound on the ground. Chang Ge slowed her horse, and dismounted slowly.

"Mimi,"

She unfolded the paper packaging from the basket, revealing cherry-blossom shaped candies and laid them on the ground.

"You never got to see me in women's clothing,"

Chang Ge rose and spread her arms to both sides. She twisted to her side, showing her friend the fine silks that fell onto the ground gracefully; long, sheer sleeves billowing. Her hair was simply donned to stand the riding she had done, but was pinned up with jades gilded in gold. Ribbons on her hair rode the wind.

The wind spoke no words. She halted the half-hearted dance, falling onto the ground next to the mound she knew was Mimi, and lay on her back. As she watched the sky, she recounted her adventures of the year, her plans in detail, and how she felt... all the things she dared not disclose to anyone. Occasionally, she would glance at the soil by her side and look away with stinging eyes.

"Mimi,"

It was sundown when Chang Ge reached the end of her recount, hair a mess, and dress soiled. Her last words died in her throat like the disappearing rays of sun. She tried to grasp its final strings of light between her grimy fingers.

"Mimi,"

Chang Ge covered her eyes with the back of her hand, as if that could shield her tears from the heavens' blinking eyes.

"Mimi," she addressed the stars.

"I miss you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurrah, a Mimi chapter!  
> The title was trans-literal from the original saying "千里相思一线牵", but the more well known version would be: "An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break", aka the Red Thread of Fate.  
> Ironic, cause Mimi's dead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Solitude is enjoyed only when one is at peace with oneself._

* * *

It was only when he started to share a bed with her did he know many things others did not. Rare as it was for him to wake earlier than she, he never tries to fall back asleep, concerned for her small frame shivering in the early morning chill.

"You are lucky that I have high body heat,"

"I am,"

And he would gather her into an embrace whenever she seemed cold, and she would smile, hugging him back. It was a given that he did so in their mornings together, almost developing into a habit, that after half a year, he would reach for her and entangle her into a vice hold in his sleep. Even when she was bedridden with an alarming ailment, he stubbornly wished to stay by her side. She hadn't a choice but to use their children to ward him off, fearing the contagion of the disease. After a year of his incessant, mulish arguments, Chang Ge relented, and it worried him sick. It was as if she was too weak to fight back any longer.

It was unusual for Sun to be lost in thought, his mind straying during hunts, trade negotiations, discussion with his advisors--in which one seat lay empty, and even to his sleep, keeping awake in case of any sudden lapses. Tired from his suspicions, he allowed himself reprieve for one night. That _one_ night. He had awoken the next morning, embracing the cold corpse of his wife.

From then on, Sun slept and woke up alone.

He did not realize how important the simple things were. They exist as small needles, pricking him painfully for a life that cannot be recreated like blood flowing out of a wound to flow in reverse. His habit did not—could not—subside, always reaching out for something that only existed in the past.

He would press his palm onto his eyes firmly, keeping it in. No one was to bear witness to his weakness, not that the one he used to allow his vulnerability was gone.

He hated the cold mornings.

It took away a part of him.

It reminded him that he had become half the man he used to be.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, the previous chapters were such downers.  
> So here's an extra, from the ever famous elopement scene in chapter 41.

**Truth in Wine**

**Extra**

* * *

"You can just leave the rest to me," he said, jerking a self-assured thumb to himself.

She gaped. This man, this man who had spared her for her services, who had expressed his gratitude by extending brotherhood to her, was out of his mind. Chang Ge hated to admit that she flushed red at his declaration, irked with herself at the embarrassment paired with the anger she felt. She was Li Chang Ge, and she did not need him to save her!

After moments of reluctance and hesitation and Sun's assertive provocation, she answered quietly, but clearly. "All right,"

She felt strange, arms behind her back, clutching anxiously to her sleeve. She couldn't look him in the eye, despite the fact that she might not be seeing him around for quite awhile. Yet she felt the urge, not only from the peril of Minister Li Jing's cavalry men hot on his heels, but from burning embarrassment and something else she couldn't explain. Chang Ge suppressed an awkward cough. "Well? Why are you still here?"

She could feel the smile in his voice as he bid her farewell. The stubbornness etching her features stayed firmly as the clops of his horse faded into the distance.

_If you are unwilling, then I have nothing to say._

_If you are unable, then stop grumbling._

She huffed at the memory of his crude words and assessment towards her.  _Come to me_ , he had said, words laden in confidence she could never muster.

The self-consciousness she felt faded, and the unnamed feeling surfaced vividly. Chang Ge didn't know the right words to describe it. It was a strange mix of excitement, happiness, and delight. Thinking about it made the feeling surge forward, and she smiled.

She was happy, so she smiled.

Ashina Sun was a man worthy of her admiration.

* * *

**Extra of an extra**

* * *

As he rode, he remembered some moments ago when he had held onto Chang Ge in a firm hold. Sadly, it could have been the closest he had ever been to a woman.

He glanced at his left sleeve, where she clung onto and sniffed its womanly scent.

 _Holy shit_. She smells like rainbows and unicorns.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise it will get better. Thanks for the kudos guys.


	8. Chapter 8

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Study to improve oneself, not to impress others._

* * *

Into her mother's personal chamber she snuck, after specific orders to the attendants and Ah Yun to let no one intrude. Chang Ge had clandestinely approached the room in silence, careful in her brightly dyed foreign dress, accentuated an abundance of dangling ornaments on the hems of the dress and woven into her hair, braided unfamiliarly to the Han's common style.

"Mother," little Chang Ge called in Uyghurian, startling Li Jin. She knew she was ready when her mother glanced at her.

Without preamble, she floated into a fluid dance. The dangling ornaments jingled with every step and stroke, the vivid colour of the dress dyeing the air in its wake matching the dramatic, festive jigs. Chang Ge danced and danced, a huge smile on her face as she infused all the grace and power in every flight and flutter. Only when the dance receded did she dared to find her mother's eyes.

She stopped when she saw her mother, her beautiful mother, agape with relentless tears running down her face. Chang Ge immediately dropped all she had done, and rushed to the lachrymose woman.

"Mother," Chang Ge urged, small hand shaking her shoulders, "Mother.. Mother! Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere? Did I do something-"

Jin Liangdi sobbed even louder with every Uyghurian word.

"..Mama," Chang Ge pleaded, switching to Han. Her small face was contorted in devastation, feeling atrocious for every drop of tear to escape her jaw, for upsetting her so that even her mother, whom despite her despair and pitiable state, expressed no extremities of solidly physical expression like tears of sadness.

"Ma--Mother.."

She wished to reach out for the weeping figure, but her mother did not seem like she would appreciate further breaches in privacy after she cruelly prodded a sensitive matter to her.

"Mother, I am very sorry," she said, voice cracking as she kept her gaze down in shame.

Before her own tears could break out from its thick walls on her eyes, she turned away.

"I promise to never do it again," she choked, reassuring her mother as she dashed out of the unwelcoming chamber.

"I'm sorry,"

She had sobbed long and hard that night, secluding herself in her bedchambers. Within the next morning, Chang Ge dismissed all the Uyghur linguists and ceased her ardent practising of Uyghur dances.

She breathed no word about that night again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Liangdi: the wife of the Crown Prince.
> 
> *Chang Ge lost it for a second and called her 妈妈 (ma ma), which is an informal (and more intimate) version of the address. I'm not sure if royalty have a more formal address, but she would commonly address her with 母亲 (mu qin). Like English 'mommy' or 'mom' to 'mother'.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An AU where Mimi lives. A bit longer than usual as a special dedication to Mimi and her impact to the story.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Even water is sweet when shared with friends._

* * *

Chang Ge had horrible hacking coughs, relentlessly and ceaselessly tearing her throat, but she couldn't stop lest her breathing stops as well.

"Chang Ge.. Chang Ge!"

Who was that voice? It had a lilt and a tone that brought about a wave of nostalgia and an aching longing in her. She wanted to hear it, bask and soak in it, but her coughs wouldn't stop.

"Chang Ge, get up for a moment," the voice said worriedly. As her back shuddered with suppressed coughs, she was supported to incline, and someone brought a cup to her lips. "Drink. Drink, Chang Ge,"

The cough lurched liquid out, but something compelled her to withstand it. She drank, the scalding heat and sharp smell of the medicine gave a painful sense of comfort to her. Chang Ge continued to drink until she felt herself ease and still.

Wiping away the residual tears from her eyes, she croaked, "Thank you, Mimi,"

She remembered. Chang Ge had managed to persuade the Uyghurian girl to make their escape from the Ashina encampment out to the outskirt province of the Tang border, and made their abode in a beautiful village with an abundance of plum blossoms, far from Chang An. It has been more than half a year since then. Their escape had taken a toll on her body, and she had to lie low to recuperate. A peaceful life of inactivity was not bad, not bad at all when Mimi was by her side. She had sworn to herself and to Mimi to help her brother, then bring them to Uyghur.

"I'm sorry, Mimi,"

They sat on the pavilion porch that faced the gardens, Mimi diligently braiding Chang Ge's hair to prepare for a day of shopping in the market.

"What for?" she said after a moment of silence, unclamping her lips that had held jade-ended pins.

"I should be reuniting you to your brother,"

"Nonsense," the blonde exclaimed, "Stop thinking too much for once and focus on getting better... which color do you prefer your ribbon? White or red?"

"Does it matter?"

"It matters," she insisted, "White goes along with your dress. Red goes so prettily with the jades!"

Many decision later, they strolled to the market with baskets in hand, with Mimi's hair missing the sun under a veil. They would stop to see elaborately cut combs, pearl and gold jewelry, painted fans and parasols, cloth by the yard and multicolored threads. Mimi would watch out for the garlic and roasted salt, vegetable and rice. They took breaks in between for sweets and shaved ice, diligently feeding the other a portion of their pick. Mimi's bloated cheeks amused Chang Ge greatly as she stuffed more sesame pancake balls into them. Shaved ice topped with fruits particularly took Mimi's breath away.

The Uyghurian halted, in a daze when she saw a store, its facade dressed with Chinese instruments. What astounded her was the lone  _dutar_ among _erhu_ s, and assorted sizes of  _dap_ s on the table. Chang Ge insisted they bought at least a  _dap_.

"You know Uyghur dances?" Mimi asked that evening, after stowing away their hauls for the day.

"I learned them to surprise my mother when I was little," she said with a wry smile.

Mimi pulled her up to her feet, "Then you must know the _sanam_ ,"

She guided a reluctant and unsure Chang Ge through the first few steps. Once her body moved to its memory, Mimi smiled and began beating the dap into a lively rhythm. They spun against the night's wind, under the swirl of plum blossoms, delighted giggles of earnest elation.

They lay side by side under the biggest plum tree, finally too tired to continue.

"Mimi?"

"Yes?"

_I love you._

Hacking coughs came again, plowing through her throat, abrading its walls, rattling deep into her bones. Chang Ge heaved and heaved, she wanted to stop but she could not. Tears ran down the side of her face.

Chang Ge slowly opened her eyes. She was in her room in Chang An, desolate and bitter.

Alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, it seems like I lied.
> 
> *Erhu: A Chinese instrument with two strings, held upright on your lap and played with a bow.
> 
> *Dutar: Two-stringed lute from Uyghur.
> 
> *Dap: Uyghur hand-drums commonly used for dance accompaniments.
> 
> *Sanam: A popular Uyghur folk dance.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse this chapter's lateness. I've been busy with uni prep.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_A man who does not belong in his present nor his future will live as if he will never die, and then die having never really lived._

* * *

"Sun, do you believe in reincarnations?"

He looked up from his paperwork, having once doing it industriously after Chang Ge and Mujin's reasonable persuasions. He had been struggling, he knew just how much as Chang Ge did, occasionally sending his frustrated self—clutching his head and grappling with a brush—a furtive, patronizing smile that urged him to flip the table over and scream bloody war. The sudden question was unprecedented.

"Why the sudden question?" he asked, calmly putting down his brush.

"I was… thinking,"

"Aren't you always," he muttered, but held out a hand, "Continue,"

Li Chang Ge, always the one to ponder in futile circles when she could draw a straight line and be over with it.

"Reincarnations. The natural process of birth, death, then rebirth based on karma of your past goodwill and sins. Imagining myself in this cycle, thinking myself a puppet moving under the influence of the invisible for of nature, to live, to make mistakes, die, be rebirth to amend my wrongdoings, and repeating it over to achieve enlightenment. I do not doubt what I have done," she ensured, deliberating if she should continue despite the strange look Sun was giving her. "However,"

"This concept baffles me over, and I begin to doubt. The natural flow dictates my thoughts and reigns over my actions. My doings would be futile, were it against nature's wishes. Resistance would be nonsense."

"Does it matter?"

"…What?"

She desperately hoped he could register her exasperation at him mindlessly swatting away a troubling notion.

"Does it matter?" he repeated, firmly.

"It draws upon the conclusion that we live endless lives, but stoppered into different sections as different skin, but with the same essence—"

"Rebirth out of another woman's womb makes you nothing but a child of another, mind as clear as a blank slate with no recollection of your past self. How does that make you the same person?"

Chang Ge stared.

"You are focusing too much on the big picture which is nature, that you neglect its smaller parts which is us,"

He huffed impatiently, looking pointedly at her. Her insides felt hot, not often were her debates so easily doused.

"Yet we lead lives led by the unknown, so why should we be bothered in this lifetime, when we could repeat perpetually?"

"Reincarnation seems to be just an excuse for procrastination then,"

She took a moment to gape, digesting his implications. When she understood—and shook off his implicit insult to her—she laughed.

Oh no, Sun was getting angry from all her laughing. Chang Ge wiped a tear.

"I promise to come to you with every difficult question I harbor,"

Who would have known this simple-minded looking man who had troubles with basic accountancy and simple Han characters was a master philosopher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this chapter must be the hardest to write so far since I'm no expert in philosophy and questions about life. The characters can only be as witty as the author after all. Also a trivia: the quotes on the beginning of the chapters are usually Ancient Chinese proverbs and sayings I looked up. This one was a quote from the Dalai Lama, I believe.


	11. Chapter 11

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_One happiness scatters a thousand sorrows._

* * *

Chang Ge didn't knew when it started. Mimi's image would overlap with Tu Jia. They were similar, yet so different. Where Mimi was filled with loneliness, regret, and wishful thinking, Tu Jia had never bore witness to neither war nor conflict, superficial worries nagging her at best.

They both had cried for her, and for her true self. They might have gotten hurt in denial, but neither meant to harm her. And the image of Tu Jia tasting Han sweets reminded her so much of Mimi that she could bring herself to be amused. She only admitted the reason why she had admitted to the  _irkin_ 's daughter about her gender so easily. Chang Ge knew her face expressed something far from happiness.

She stood. "From the depths of my heart,"

Her throat constricted as she gave her good wishes, praying to the heavens for no young girl to ever suffer such hardship that could tear their hearts apart, forced to do such grave decisions to escape the web of suffering.

"I wish your highness a peaceful, happy, and blessed life,"

 _Why did it have to be Mimi_ , she found herself asking the stars repeatedly.  _Why her_ , and not someone else.  _Why all that suffering on such small shoulders_ , when it could have been distributed to other people equally. She would have gladly offered herself.

"..without ever having to worry or fear,"

Was it fair?

One girl fought through tears and blood, watching everyone around her leave. One girl who was alone in a world that wants her blood spilt. One girl who had to weigh the life of her brother and her friend's life, yet sold herself in the end.

The other girl emerged into a kind world, of kind people, of kind words. Food to fill her belly full, clothing to keep her warm, and people to protect her from the cold and danger. A girl who had nothing to think about, who lived just for the sole reason of being herself.

Tu Jia made her realise the mistake in her thoughts. The purity of her innocence was something only those who are tainted can see. Radiant, beautiful, comforting. It beckoned her forth, to lay her weaknesses bare, submitting to the comfort of shielding a gentle heart.

Chang Ge was terribly mistaken, and berated herself with a rueful smile.

Had the world only bred sinners, they would have collapsed within themselves in search for a light that was never destined to be found. With those like Tu Jia, the tainted would console themselves with protecting their little light.

What is fair, in a world of unfairness?

It takes a thousand sorrows to make one happiness--that was how it was to live in this world.


	12. Chapter 12

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Do not confine your children to your own learning, for they were born in another time._

* * *

It was rare for all her eight children to be with her and not separated in unequal parts between Sun, Chang Ge, and sometimes Mujin like they usually were. Their father and his trusty advisor had quite the dangerous escapade, and with Chang Ge lugging a decently heavy belly, they stayed in Xueyantuo where it was safe. To commemorate its rarity, they decided to stay together in Chang Ge's yurt, spreading mattresses, rugs and linen around her pallet bed.

The girls tugged on the ribbons in their hair while the boys—and interested girls—examined Chang Ge's copper-plated repeating crossbow with admiration, eagerly crowding in a circle as their mother explained its range and usage. Once they settled down, curling under their quilts, a girl asked a question she'd been dying to ask. "Mama, can I ask you a question?"

"Ask," she said, marveling at how the others perked up, necks perched intently.

"How did you and Papa meet?"

The boys groaned collectively. "Not romance!"

"You're such a girl, Fei Bei,"

"Blech, Mama, tell us about your first war instead!"

"You're a brute, Kuge!"

Chang Ge laughed, and they stop to look at her. "Boys, since Fei Bei asked first, I'll have to be fair,"

Kuge pouted and sunk onto his mattress.

Chang Ge grinned even more. "It all started when I was Shuo Province's captain in the war against the Turks—"

Kuge immediately shot up.

"No way! You met Papa on the battlefield?"

"Yes,"

"And you were enemies?"

"Yes,"

"Who won?"

"Now, don't you want to hear the story?" they all had bedazzled eyes, Chang Ge noted wryly. "You know how I used to dress as a man because it made things easier? I was under the guise of a Sui Dynasty general's son who wished to serve under Governor Gong Sun Heng—"

She told them of her memories in Shuo Province, which had lasted a month but felt like an eternity as she retold and relived it. Before she revealed her plans, she would quiz the children on what they would do if they were her. After she disclosed them, she would ask them why she had done what she had. Chang Ge had told Ah Dou then to never speak of what you have done. It seems that she went out of her own teachings and lesson, but she shrugged it off with a satisfied sigh. Her children were bright and creative, but still too immature and naïve. Hearing their discussion amongst themselves pleased her.

"Mama, you still haven't mentioned Papa,"

Ah yes. She had once wished she could tear open his throat to keep Shuo Province safe behind sturdy walls.

"Your father, Ashina Sun was indeed a very tough adversary at the time," she admitted, "For one man he lost, we lose double,"

Alas, Shuo Porvince became a sacrificial offering to the Turks, and Governor Sun lost his head.

"He had me at his mercy," she said, reliving the memory, "He threatened to kill me,"

The children gasped. "Papa is so cool!"

The corner of her mouth twitched. "Nonetheless, he spared me, and declared me his dog,"

The children gasped some more. "Papa is so COOL!"

Chang Ge smiled impatiently.

"Anyway—"

The children was still giddy after her story ended, animatedly chattering about their parents' valiance and valor, or the strange chemistry between them, the girls giggling at the very potent romance.

"But Mama, Papa thought you were a man!"

"Papa is so thick sometimes…"

Chang Ge considered, "He found out soon after, but that's a story for another time. Goodnight, children,"

They groaned collectively, but obeyed, minds still fresh with the exciting story. Their mother surveyed them, tucked neatly under the sheets, all mute and pondering. Peculiar creatures they were, these children. Fluid as water, they acted according to their containers, their surroundings. Unkempt troublemakers they were in front of their parents, obedient and eager in front of teachers, obstinate and headstrong in front of mentors, considerate and ambitious for their people. The little peacekeepers, organising their camp, slipping in some ideas to the men and women—simply stating 'Advisor Li says' or 'Tegin's orders'. Sun even complained once that the new generation of his men have fallen to the hands of his children prematurely.

A small voice broke her thoughts.

"Mama, do you think we'll ever be as amazing as you and Papa?"

Chang Ge laughed as she snuffed the candle out. "You will not,"

"You will be better,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos guys!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Xiangqi: Chinese version of chess. I'd've written Go, but it hadn't existed in the Tang Dynasty.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Do not repeat tactics just because it gave you one victory._

_Let your methods be regulated by the infinite variety of circumstances._

* * *

"How about we settle things with  _xiangqi_ —are you familiar with it?" Yi'nan suggested.

"I am,"

"Oh?" he said, pleasantly surprised, "Well then, eighty horses if you win,"

Sun huffed, bracing his hands on his knees.

* * *

"Sir Mujin, why aren't you entering?" Chang Ge asked, puzzled. He simply stood outside the tent flap, bright orange light from inside cut out a section of Mujin against the dark.

"Sun is doing something inconceivable," he said scandalously. She knitted her eyebrows, knowing how fickle and free Sun and his whims were, she wondered what could have possible staggered Mujin, who had to deal with Sun's garbage for years. Chang Ge peered into the yurt.

"He's playing xiangqi. It's Han. Sun doesn't do  _Han_ ," Mujin said, prickling with disbelief.

Funny, Chang Ge reacted the same way when she heard the maidservants' gossip during their time in Chang An. After days of hearing the same gossip, she never tried to raise the question to Sun, though Xu Feng complained about excessive expense he had most likely had gambled off.

"It's nothing new. He played war games almost throughout our whole stay in the central plains."

"Impossible!" Mujin exclaimed, so loud in outrage that they were found out. Sun impatiently told them to either come in to watch and shut up, or go away.

It was intense, to say the least. Sun's face was a concentration of seriousness while the Irkin schooled his features into a collected facade, each clack of the pieces against the board profound. Mujin's jaw fell apart. Chang Ge herself was quite astounded, suddenly reminded of her loss in Shuo Province years ago. His unpredictability blew them away, and was beginning to intimidate Irkin Yi'nan. Some of his moves were sketchy and wholly intuitive, but some were planned out and built to  _win_ , and all too familiarly Han _._

Mujin lost it first. "W-Where did you learn those stratagems, Sun?"

"I played against an old man in Chang An, the one who was the leader of the cavalry, what's his name…"

Chang Ge deadpanned. "Tang's Minister of War, Li Jing…"

Silence.

Mujin looked back and forth from Chang Ge to Sun. With a decisive strike, he finished Yi'nan off, the clack seeming to echo and resonate into the depths of the audience, earnestly awestruck. The Irkin sighed, "Eighty horses was it?" and got up to his feet, "You may oversee them tomorrow. Now, please excuse me for the night, gentlemen. I am to lick my wounds in private,"

As he left, Chang Ge began to reconstruct Sun's last formation; his finishing move.

"He still could have beaten me here," understanding his queue, he explained, pointing at his pieces that connected into a formation. Sun knew. It was a risky gamble, but it had worked. Irkin Yi'nan could have overturned their positions, but he failed to see it-overshadowed by sturdy tactics from before, ones that resembled Li Jing's tactics. Mujin shook his head, comprehension bringing about new respect for his Tegin.

"Sun, why is it that you are sharpest only when you're fighting a war?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well. Kuroxtenshi, you managed to find the AO3 version.


	14. Chapter 14

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Deep love, shallow fate._

* * *

"Canan is a nice girl isn't she?" she commented, looking out the window flap from her place on the bed, watching said girl distributing midday meal. It wasn't the first time she mentioned her.

"Yes, she is," Sun agreed, still unsure where this was going. He didn't like it, his intuition told him.

"She seems to fancy you," she smiled softly at him.

Yes, he was sure he didn't like this.

"Ridiculous."

"She does. Sometimes even I feel that I must have looked as foolish, looking at your back with love-struck, coveting eyes back in the day,"

Ashina Sun recalled none of that.

Chang Ge chuckled, " _Of course_  you didn't notice,"

"Canan would bow her head in shame when I'm around, red to her ears," she recounted, "Wishing for a man with a wife—"

"Stop beating about the bush, Chang Ge," he said, tone serious.

She chuckled weakly, turning away from the sun and to his eyes.

"Would you take her as your second wife?"

Nails dug into his palm and his knuckled blazed white from clenching his fists too tight. His jaw tightened and his face was taut, eyes glaring. Sun was beyond furious. Outrageous! He fully understood her implications, and it seethed him scalding. "Never in this lifetime will I commit plural marriage, and I do not want to hear any more of this," he growled.

She looked at him squarely. "You have to be realistic. You are young, and you are healthy, and you are capable of it,"

"So what of it! It does not conclude to taking a second wife!"

"It does. What of our heirs?"

"We have eight!"

Chang Ge's eyes darkened. "How dare you. You ought to know how they are. We raised them to have liberty in what they wish to do, while we simply give them what they need to survive." hissed the woman, "Five of them are entirely free to do what they wish, but three are obligated in the name of blood. Have we not treated them equally for this very reason?"

Sun still refused to understand. "How different would it be if I were to have more heirs with another woman?"

"Because they would be wholly Turks! I gave you children who are part Han. Your men might agree, but would your other kin?"

"Why do their opinions matter when they can prove their worth!" His children were no weaklings.

The Han mustered patience despite the heat of the situation. "It matters, Sun. Not all men are like you, who gauges people from their ability and loyalty. Blood _matters_ to them,"

Sun was silent. He had no arguments to offer, as both he and she had first-hand experiences; but he still refused to accept.

"Think about them. I am their mother. I am Han, and I cannot change that," she said, head hung low, "When the day comes when the Han and the Turks meet again on the battlefield, would you have them torn, choosing whose side to take? They will be traitors to the other, and live with doubt and regret,"

Sun clenched his fists. He avoided her gaze. "How could we teach our children to live in freedom, when we ourselves cannot give examples?"

Chang Ge massaged her throat gingerly, taking her time getting off the abundance of sheets of her mattress to approach her husband. "There is a Han saying; One generation plants the trees, and the next gets the shade,"

"It's hypocrisy," he said with finality to her face, "You've always found solutions to our problems no matter how hard. How can this not be solved?"

She looked at Sun with heartbroken eyes.

"Tell me, how do I solve it when I'm gone?"

He seized her shoulders, eyes wide with disbelief, "Do **not** say that!"

"You and I both know how it is," she said, turning away from him, gently prying the clutch on her shoulder and walked onto the patch of light in the middle of the yurt, "I don't know how long I can last, Sun."

He shuddered with anger, and his eyes were bright with remorseful tears. He threw a fist at a ceramic jar, shattering it to pieces that trickled in a painful melody.

She sighed.

"Canan is beautiful, young, and healthy," Chang Ge pronounced, "She can give you heirs aplenty,"

"ENOUGH!"

Chang Ge turned. Sun stormed out of the yurt, he wasn't in the state where he could bend his emotions at will, and he didn't want to know how much he could destroy.

"Sun, don't—" she reached out, but never caught his sleeve before coughs racked her body, beating her lungs mercilessly as she fell to her knees. She felt the blood rush to her face and boiled her to the ears as she desperately tried to smother it into her sleeve.

The cool air doused a slight of the heat he felt. "Get me my horse," Sun ordered a man nearby, disregarding anyone around.

Behind the flap, Chang Ge felt to tired to move, falling onto the floor. So much blood, it frightened her that it came out from a common string of coughs.

She bit her lip and wept silently. She didn't want this either. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Canan is a Turkish name that means darling, read Jah-nan.
> 
> Can I just say that the Ancient Chinese quote in this chapter is on-point?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At long last, after 13 chapters and one extra, and Sun/Chang Ge in-bed moment.  
> Dun dun dun

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Kissing is like drinking salted water; you drink and your thirst increases._

* * *

Chang Ge blinked awake. It was warm, despite it being a harsh winter in the grasslands. She looked at her bed-warmer's face, tracing cool fingers to ease the crease of his eyebrows. Troubled as he might look as he slept, he was a gone man in his slumber. The sight of an unrestrained and careless manner in spite of the perils of an assassination miffed her once in the past, before she found short knives under the covers.

She sighed as she lay on her side, brushing stray hairs from his face, chaste touches on his skin warming her fingertips. His hand caught hers and kissed her palm. "Morning,"

Chang Ge smiled and reached up to kiss his lips. Sun inclined to deepen the kiss, arms curling around her small figure, hands snaking under her night dress and up her thigh. She pushed him down and detached herself from him, she reminded him, "It's broad daylight,"

He frowned. "It's still early,"

Chang Ge raised an eyebrow and Sun gave up. He grumbled to himself; conquering his wife was harder than conquering kingdoms. With a defeated grunt, he fell back and closed his eyes. His wife laid her head on his chest. When he was at the brink of falling asleep, Chang Ge spoke.

"Sun?"

"Yes," he confirmed.

"How long have we known each other?"

That was random. "Fourteen, fifteen years?"

"How long have we been married?"

Sun really hadn't a notion of where this was going, but he recounted as he studied the ceiling. "Six and a half years,"

"That's really long," she commented slowly, as if bewildered by it.

As she said nothing else, he was about to drift off when-- "Sun,"

A low, complaining groan nearly escaped his throat when she craned her neck up and asked, "Do you love me?"

It was early. It really was. _Why._

Li Chang Ge and her silly questions.

"I proposed to you, Chang Ge," he said, looking at her dead in the eyes, "You bore my children,"

She looked at him blankly. _Is that it?_ she seemed to ask. He had long since understood her quite enough to translate her looks. He laid back and kept his gaze on the ceiling. "You saved my life, and my kin many times over," he swivelled his gaze over to her, blue eyes almost white against the sunlight," Without you, I wouldn't be here. I would trade myself for you,"

Chang Ge was not quite impressed. "You said all that, but you haven't answered the question,"

"Would you have been satisfied with just a few words?" he said, "Despite all these years, you still think love must have a reason,"

The clouded-jade hue of her eyes was reserved for perplexity. "How can you love someone so deeply without a tangible reason?"

"What you don't understand is that love is bound to no reason. It's not an obligation,"

Chang Ge was protesting, he knew from the constricted pupils.

"Your mother did nothing but avoid you, yet you love her,"

And before she could argue about familial compassion, he said, "Your Uyghur wife, you love her too,"

"Mimi," she started, "Mimi took care of me,"

"But that's not why you love her,"

Chang Ge was quiet for a while. "It's not,"

"You're clever, cunning, and a liar, Li Chang Ge," he said slowly, cupping her cheek and forcing her to lock eyes with him, "You overthink. You are prideful. You are careful with your web of lies, but too careless with your own wellbeing."

"You ask me silly questions. You tell yourself to never get attached, but you always do in the end," she watched him, strangely unblinking. Her chin trembled slightly.

"You won't admit that you care deeply for those around you, but they know." he said, brushing the fresh tear away with his thumb with a smile, "You're actually a crybaby,"

"You love sesame pancakes. You get homesick. And you secretly practise household chores,"

Chang Ge chuckled weakly as the tears streamed down, "That was supposed to be a secret,"

"You are a Han princess. You are a fugitive. You are brother to the Turks in my name. You are a noble lady. You are a warrior," he kissed her forehead and brought her into a hug, mouth against her ear. "Without a single one of those, you aren't Li Chang Ge,"

"I love you,"

The sun was warm, but that was not what warmed her so. Chang Ge wasn't choked up melodramatically, but she wasn't apathetic towards his declaration either.

Chang Ge brought her hands to his shoulders, pulled away to meet his eyes and told him in a serious tone. "I might need a few days to fully understand,"

Befuddled, he stared. When he caught up to his thoughts, Sun scratched his scalp with a scowl, feeling mighty embarrassed for his gravitation declaration only to get a one-sided answer.

His impatience made her laugh. "But I think I love you too, Sun,"

Sun sighed. Why did she say yes in the first place?

"Now," Chang Ge began, "Lie down,"

"What?"

She had that smile on her face as she slowly peeled his robe away.

"It's broad daylight," he said, repeating her words, silently pleased.

Chang Ge threw the covers on them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. From now on I'll be updating from Hong Kong.  
> Hopefully this means I'll be watching Chang Ge Gongzhu in real-time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Sorry for the late update. I forgot… lol.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_There is only one beautiful child in the world, and every mother has it._

* * *

_Where had she gone wrong?_

It was warmer, an early spring is to be expected. Even so, she wrapped her little girl in furs. Out in the garden after diverting her ladies-in-waiting, she began singing a soft tune. It was Uyghurian folk song, one that used to bring about a wave of aching homesickness, but one she had come to enjoy at the expense of her daughter's grin. Her big eyes were glued to her, soft fingers patting her jaw.

"Chang Ge, my beautiful Chang Ge," she hugged her close, bouncing her in her arms, giggling and shrieking excitedly. She continued to sing as she walked to the plum garden. Red blossoms bloomed under the coat of snow, durable flowers they were. A petal drifted down to Chang Ge's nose. The baby girl watched it, cross-eyed, but still intent, until she couldn't hold it in. She sneezed, blasting the petal away.

Li Jin laughed and kissed her daughter's forehead, tickling her small nose with her own, giggling. "Ah Ge, Mama's cutest angel,"

She lifted her up, twirling around in circles as Chang Ge's arms flailed with elation, laughing zealously. "So high up, so high up!"

"Ah Ge's flying, flying, so fast,"

Once Chang Ge's nose got cold from the wintry breeze, Li Jin tucked her back into the fur and blew warm breaths onto her daughter's face. Chang Ge reciprocated as they wove through the plum trees, Li Jin singing the endless verses of the song until they circumnavigated the garden perimeter.

"Chang Ge, Mama loves you so much,"

With a last glance at the plum blossoms, they entered the warmth of her chamber.

Li Jin wished that moment would last forever. Like the long Uyghurian song that never ended.

_Was it then?_

The sun's retreat cast an eery shadow, painting the room dark scarlet. Chang Ge waited expectantly outside her door.

Li Jin dared not look at her daughter's face.

_So it was true._

Once, several years ago, she had a nightmare so vivid it shook her to her bones after she'd woken. She had not thought of her plan thoroughly. Being in the closest proximity with the enemy of her benefactor, she had not thought of what would happen should she fail. He might be Chang Ge's father, but he would kill his brother to secure his own self.

Li Jin shivered, choking back her sobs as she crept towards Chang Ge's room adjacent to hers. She stroked Chang Ge's cheeks and smoothed her hair as she cried. Before she returned, she kissed her forehead and swore to protect her.

She isolated herself from then on. When she used to style Chang Ge's hair, she left it for the handmaidens. When she used to insist she play with her and the ladies, she let her out to meet her brothers. Li Jin fought hard not to find the boys and beat them in return for what they have done to her. She fought just as hard not to express her pride when Chang Ge managed to stand up for herself.

Li Jin became the desolate wife of the Crown Prince.

"Is that true?" she croaked weakly, "Chang Ge said she agreed to the marriage?"

"She did," her bitterest enemy said, "Very eagerly at that,"

Li Jin stared, eyes glazed and unseeing. What?

The memory of her nightmare buzzed, drowning whatever Li Jiancheng had to say, getting louder as Chang Ge's condemning words echoed.

_Despicable._

_Pitiful._

_You're not my mother._

"Yongning is a true princess, very eager to please," he said with a smile. She didn't hear anything.

In that red room, neither said a thing.

It was a given. It was natural. A daughter whose mother was target of disgrace and shame, who did nothing to defend herself against sharp-edged rumors, who neglected her without warning nor reason.

She herself would have prefered to be furthest away, married off. Chang Ge chose to be with the Turks, even though they were heartless bastards. One could defend oneself from blades, but not from words.

Perhaps it was for the best. Far away from the chaos that will befall the throne succession.

In that red room, Li Jin dared not look at her daughter's face. And not ever.

Li Jin became the desolate wife of the Crown Prince who neglected her own daughter.

_Was it then?_

She dismissed Ah Yun, having finished with her instructions. Chang Ge is a very smart girl, she might come to understand someday.

Chang Ge might understand, but she might not forgive.

It was before dawn, she went about as usual, albeit hazy with nerves. She could only speculate what was happening to Li Shimin at the moment. A gift of fine wine sat on her table top, cups ready beside the jar. It was after daybreak, when she went to see Chang Ge. She was surprised to see her, although not pleased.

"I've had a horse ready for you at the eastern gate."

Chang Ge gave her a strange look. "What?"

She took her hand, "Take these,"

It held precious imperial jewelry, gold and jades, and hers that she managed to salvage from Uyghur. She would know what to do with them.

Her daughter's eyes were bright with alarm, screaming their whats and whys.

"Run, Chang Ge," she said, looking at her dead in the eyes.

It was almost a mirror, same green eyes, same beauty mark. Her precious baby girl was all grown up now. The first time she had seen her daughter in ages might be her last. She prayed that her sorrows would not reflect in Chang Ge.

A distant mixture of chaotic noise shook the imperial palace awake as messengers scattered with panicked cries. It had started. Chang Ge looked at her mother with apprehension.

She wanted to reach out to her daughter. Bring her into a last embrace. Apologise ardently. She had been a horrible mother, for her daughter to have precocious maturity--much too much for her age--in her eyes.

But she could not.

A tiny shred of hope within her thought that that might hold Chang Ge behind.

"Run," she urged again, squeezing her hands.

"What about you, mother?"

"I will be fine. They will not harm me.  _You_  are in danger," she promised.

_Was it then?_

Li Jin returned to her chamber, Chang Ge's retreating back fresh in mind. She hummed a satiny, forlorn tune as she sat by her table, pouring wine for herself. Li Jin sipped and sang, sang, and sang, peeling her hairpins from her hair piece by piece, their melodic clunk enunciating the rhythm as golden hair cascaded down her shoulder. She poured more wine for herself, feeling the bitter sting of it cloy at her throat and robbing her voice.

The Uyghur long song.

Her long song.

With a final clink of porcelain, she fell on her back.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late again. Sorry.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_A fall into a pit, a gain in your wit._

* * *

 

The snow atop the grass was thick, but the sun promised that it shall not last. The air was crisp and fresh, but the weather did not really matter to the three of them, who hadn't seen much of each other, busy settling down their respective affairs after the fall of the Eastern Tujue.

By midmorning, they had set out of camp, equipped with bows and an abundance of arrows, daggers and flint. A little hunting competition, Sun challenged Chang Ge, invading her yurt just that dawn.

They galloped to the plains, breaking through the layer of snow in a familiar, much welcome triangular formation. Sun's horse was jittering in accordance to its rider's impatience, sensing this, Chang Ge said, "We muster before noon--"

She wasn't finished. Really, she wasn't. Sun hadn't the capacity to remain stationary and galloped away. Mid-sentence, Chang Ge and Mujin could only look at his back as he shrunk into the distance. Mujin shrugged and stirred his horse to another direction, towards the hills.

Chang Ge sighed and spurred her horse, "Men…"

When the sun was almost at its apex, and Chang Ge shot her final game through the eyes.

The horse staggered under the weight of his game. Sun grumbled and tried several other positioning.

When Mujin returned, the other two were there, off their horses, with two intimidating mounds of game as they stood before their respective piles, jabbing fingers in demonstrative arguments. He dismounted and observed, not ready to placate nor arbitrate.

"I've caught more," Chang Ge pointed out, arms crossed.

"You caught more rabbit. I caught more deer,"

"Excuse me, but I caught gazelles,"

"I see more pheasants and rabbits in that pile,"

Chang Ge huffed, "This is what happens when you rush forth without clarifying ground rules,"

"Hunting bigger game trumps it, obviously,"

"Nonsense. Rabbits are more difficult prey in the snow,"

"Red deers are more difficult to catch off guard," Sun supplied, not budging.

"Hunting in bulk would mean distribution. Rabbits and pheasants are easier to share amongst ourselves fairly,"

"This is a hunting contest, not a contest to win the people's favor through their stomachs,"

Chang Ge narrowed her eyes. Sun gave her his cocksure stature.

She sighed and rubbed her temple. "We are going nowhere. Obviously, we caught more than just common rabbits and deers,"

Sun raised his eyebrow, "Well--" and pointed to his game pile. "One corsac and two red foxes," 

Chang Ge was about to open her mouth to point out the wolf cub in her pile when Mujin interceded. "Stop it you two,"

"Mujin! Where have you been?" Sun clapped said man's shoulder, ignoring Chang Ge's displeased muttering of "He's been standing there the whole time.." and said confidently, "Tell her why I've won,"

Son of a-- Mujin clenched his jaw and smiled crookedly.

"You didn't win, Sun,"

"What?"

Chang Ge smirked smugly.

"I did," Mujin jerked his thumb at the snow leopards atop his horse, smirking with satisfaction as he watched their faces fell.

Oh yes. Winning felt good.


	18. Chapter 18

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_He who expects no gratitude shall not be disappointed._

* * *

Summer, 643 C.E.

Every year on the second of July, he would ride to Jiuzong mountain, leaving his retinue at its feet and proceed alone into the Zhao Mausoleum. On the sixteenth year, next to Li Jin’s casket, was a differently carved one that replaced the casket that had a similar carving to Jin’s. He expelled the air he didn’t notice he had held.

Emperor Taizong burned two sets of incense and paid his respects.

He did nothing but stare, dust motes lit under the sun and rose with a breeze on the distant door that opened to the veranda.

“I still wish I could return you to your homeland,” he told the dust. “But then, I’d only bring them grief, and my court fuel for gossip and unearth your name,”

He would look expectantly at the casket, steady trails of smoke and the sharp scent of incense properly reminding him that he would never get an answer. Li Shimin slowly sat on the floor in front of Li Jin’s casket.

“If I had wed you, I would have been dead. You wed my brother, and now you are dead.”

Simply not meant for each other, heavens had declared.

“And I became Taizong,”

He sighed, loosen ing the sternness on his face. He dared not to fantasize the beauty of a life he would have without internal warfare, without ambitions, just him and her.

Taizong stood straighter. “We have discussed on future campaigns against Karasahr. I am torn in between choosing Guo Xiaoke or if I could trust Ashina She’er to lead,”

“I wish I still had Du Ruhui and Wei Zheng by my side,” he said softly, walking over to the new casket, “How long will I fare without them, I wonder,”

“Without you too, Yongning.” he bowed slightly, unhesitant in the absence of witnesses. “I give you must thanks,”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Ashina She’er was a Tang general, incorporated after the defeat of Jiali Khan Ashina Duobi and the fall of the Eastern Turk Khaganate.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What? I'm late again? HA HA.  
> A whole chapter dedicated to Mujin, because I really like him for some strange reason.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_A child's life is like a paper on which every person leaves a mark._

* * *

 

Mujin was rearranging reports which Sun had dumped on him to negotiate trade with the Tiele tribe when news of the Yanhang Men's arrival came. Just as he passed through the tent flap, a high-pitched gasp sounded from afar.

"It's Uncle Mujin!" one initiated.

It didn't take long for an army of very, very hectic children to fight for every visible piece of him to hang on to, shrieking "Uncle Mujin! Uncle Mujin!" all the while. He fell on his bottom, feeling like an enticingly fat chicken mauled by hungry fox cubs.

He knew whose idea this was.

"We finally meet again, Sir Mujin," said the eloquent, sly fox, mother of the ferocious beasts.

* * *

 

"Sirs!" a lady interrupted the three who discussed the results of the negotiation, "Little Miss Mimi has gone missing!"

"What?" Mujin lept to his feet. "Where was she the last place you saw her?"

She gulped. "W-We don't know, sir.."

"What! How can you not know!" yelled Mujin, outraged.

She flinched, looking close to tears and weak on her knees. "They--They keep scattering when they play, a-and it gets difficult to supervise each one.."

"There are eight of them! And a dozen of us!"

"Calm down, Mujin," Sun interrupted before he could bite her head off.

"Yes. She'll be just fine," Chang Ge chimed in, then dismissed the tearful woman.

"It's getting dark out," Mujin pointed outside, fuming at their sedation.

"She my daughter," Sun remarked sagely, "She should be able to take care of herself,"

"Sun, you idiot," Mujin said in exasperation, "She's five!"

"So?"

"She's a girl!"

"So?"

Chang Ge coughed. Mujin squirmed. She smiled amicably at him, "She brings her favorite knife all the time, I'm not worried,"

"You! You're crazy! I thought you were sane," he exclaimed, suddenly questioning the world. "Enough of this. I'm going to look for her!"

A cloud of golden hair billowed after him. They watched him go in silence, fading with the last trails of "I'm the true parent of seven dammit!"

They were silent.

"Mimi's watching the horses, right?" Sun asked.

"Yes. Mujin has a really nice one that's all black,"

"Oh,"

* * *

 

"Mimi! Mimi--!" Mujin shouted, trekking around the camp, the busybodies of the children that volunteered to find Mimi Mujin ordered to stay put. They only did when he threatened their dinner. Mujin put his men and women to help the search, but she was yet to be found. "Mimi! Mi--mi!"

He ran to the edges of the camp, yurts getting scarcer, and grass getting lusher. Mujin staggered to a stop on the fence that bordered the camps to the grazing fields. Only horses loitered about, no sign of the little girl. "ARGH!" he shouted, cursing with too many expletives, until a clear voice reprimanded him.

"You sound like Papa when he's drunk," it called, "Uncle Mujin,"

Seeing the little girl hugging her knees on the crate behind a nearby yurt, Mujin immediately loosened with relief. "Have you any idea how worried I was?"

She giggled. "You were?"

"Yes," he said, walking over and hefting her into his arms, "What were you doing out here?'

She pointed, "That horse. She's beautiful," she sighed dreamily at a mare with the ebony coat.

Mujin ruffled her hair. "You've got good taste. You can have her,"

Little Mimi gasped, ecstatic. "Really, Uncle Mujin?"

"How about you try her out tomorrow?" he asked, amused that the girl was excited to the point of blushing.

"Yes!" she leaped up and wrapped her arms around Mujin's neck. "Uncle Mujin is the best!"

Back at their main camp, Chang Ge was gathering food into the yurt. "Oh, Sir Mujin. You found Mimi,"

...Bastard.

Mimi placed herself purposefully between Sun and Chang Ge, and they ate dinner together, the children fighting for Mujin's attention with strange eating habits and flying food; their chewing with the mouth open made him wonder if they were doing it to annoy him on purpose, seeing as Chang Ge seems to be keeping a blind eye, and Sun didn't care for table manners. When they were almost done, Mimi tugged at both her parents' sleeves. "Mama, Papa,"

They looked at her. With rosy cheeks and a blinding beam, she declared, "One day, I want to be Uncle Mujin's bride!"

The air stilled. Even the rowdy children had a sudden sense to shut up, eyes volleying from each adult to the other.

Mujin's intuition kicked in, and he lept backward.

"Now, now," he tried to placate democratically, "I'm sure it's just a little misunderstanding--whoa, whoa, whoa, Sun! Put that sword away!"

* * *

  **Extra (prologue)**

* * *

 

All seven of them sat in attention, lined impeccably straight, sitting on their folded legs. They would be approaching the Turks' camp soon, all very anxious to see their father but kept their discipline before Chang Ge.

"Children," Chang Ge started, "Do you like Uncle Mujin?"

They nodded curtly, synchronized.

"Very good. Surely you want to show him how much you like him,"

"The moment, the exact moment you see Uncle Mujin, you will alert the rest of you, and you will hug him to show your love, am I clear?"

She nodded when they nodded.

"You may eat any way you want to in front of me and I will turn a blind eye. This is your reward."

They broke into grins before schooling their features.

"Be as distracting as possible. Remember, this only lasts throughout your stay with Uncle Mujin," she warned.

They nodded fervently.

Chang Ge smiled. Just because she gave up on killing Li Shimin, that doesn't mean she can't be a little vengeful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shizuku700, why? AO3 is so much ahead.


	20. Chapter 20

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_They, who are made from the paths they chose, and not the powers they are graced with,_

* * *

_Luoyang, Tang._

They sat on the bare wood of the porch, the roof shading them from the summer sun. A breeze blew, rattling the bell above them and ruffling the young leaves on the trees' facade. Chang Ge kept her parasol--leaning on the wooden platform--steady. Two nearly empty teacups, a cooling pot of tea, and an untouched tray of local confectionaries sat between the two. They simply sat, enjoying the silent company. The elderly man was in no hurry to know what his master wishes to talk about, he could guess what they were and had carefully planned his response as he watched the swaying bamboo trees.

Qin Gu drained his cup and twisted to refill it. A hand tapped his own gently, stopping him. "It is disrespectful of me to allow an elder to pour my tea,"

Qin laughed. "Likewise, for a master to pour tea for his servant. Please allow me the privilege,"

He gave her a meaningful look, and she relented, settling back down. "Then you must know what I intend to say,"

The next breeze came, as if blocking out its ears.

"Master Qin, you understand that you are free to leave servitude any time you wish?"

As she did, he spoke to the soil and leaves. "I do,"

"No man your age should be keeping an eye on us young ones. The other way around, in fact." she said, green eyes especially vibrant from the vivid reflection, "Old age is meant to be lived in peace, in leisure. We've had two unresolved ambushes," Chang Ge clutched the cloth on her left thigh, a dull ache throbbing within the flesh where it had been carved to the bone just months ago, rendering her handicapped in mobility and forcing her to walk around with support or suffer stares from a horrible limp, "Surely there will be more to come,"

He sipped his tea. "Isn't it a little bit cruel, to ask those loyalest to you to flee and abandon you when you face dangers?"

"Didn't you know?" The woman smiled slightly, tucking stray strands of hair behind one ear. "I am a cruel woman,"

"Oh, not that cruel!" Qin laughed earnestly, earning an amused smile from his mistress.

They fell into an amiable silence. Gazing at the tumbling leaves, cowering flowers and the ripple of water in the pond, carp mindlessly wading about, they sipped on their tea, deep in thought yet wandering with the breeze.

Chang Ge broke the silence.

"If the time comes when you outlive me, who would you serve next?" she asked, looking at him, eye hidden under the patch.

Preamble was at the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it.

"Nobody,"

He had looked at her firmly in the eyes, unwavering.

"...why?" The question simply escaped her. She could not quite understand why they followed her so. She did not even know if they were loyal to her, or to Gong Sun Heng's legacy. Qin shook his head, knowing what she was thinking.

He grinned fully, showing scarce teeth.

"I am loyal to you."

Surely, she doesn't think that a man could follow another master for as long as a decade, putting their lives on the line, and applying their strengths to ensuring her victory, for just a fullfilment of a promise with a dead man? Be it Governor Gong Sun, were she not competent to prove herself worthy of being titled their master, she would have looked back and saw no one behind her.

"Once, you were an untrustworthy fellow, riddled with vengeance and sorrow, hiding behind a facade of an ambitious young man. Once, you didn't care if the world burned down, as long as you lit your enemy aflame. Once, you hadn't cared for anyone, not even yourself," he said, diverting his eyes to the greenery, while Chang Ge studied his haggard face from the corner of her eye, "Once, you were simply someone who piqued my interest. Next, you became my charge by my previous master's wishes. You were clever, and you had a fixed goal. I thought that you would remain so. But then,"

"Li Chang Ge went missing. That Li Chang Ge did not come back. I could only find trails of her, but not _her_."

The wind swept gently.

"What I found was Li Chang Ge, my lifelong master,"

The knit of her brows slacked, but nothing reflected how touched she was at Old Qin's declaration.

"Like the leaves that fell from trees, and the water that moved with the wind, I understood," said Chang Ge.

"Enlightenment, my master. Gone was that blind rage who dove headlong into the abyss. You clung onto the ledge, and you saw the Sun. Not many people; educated, adult men, could resist the pull of revenge. I thought no one could. At most, they would have done irrepairable damage that eats at them through their lives. You have proven me wrong."

She was astounded, almost unnerved from his estimation of her. "Your description depicts me a hero, Sir Qin," she said, skeptical. The elderly man looked her in the eyes.

"You have done enough for the people to warrant the title, my master. They may never know, and history may never record your name and your deeds. The ash to the fire of great emperors' names lit from the oil of war and carnage.

At least allow the knowledge that this old man acknowledges you as one,"

Chang Ge smiled a genuine smile.

"Thank you,"

* * *

_are heroes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perks of being in Hong Kong: I met a Khitan girl! She lives in the same building as I do. Ehmehgerd.


	21. Chapter 21

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_To get through the hardest journey we need to only take one step at a time,_

_but we must keep on stepping._

* * *

 

Ashina Sun could say nothing. For once, he was at loss of what to do. They stood in a clutter around the hunched figure at their center. It was a horrible hour, long past midnight but still too far from dawn. The black sky had no stars, weeping and weeping in their stead. They had been powerless. The enemy had used the most potent hostages.

Cold and wet and wounded as they were, it was just the punishment they needed.

Sun cast his sword away and approached his wife, his feet weighted with mud and overwhelming grief. Breathing was difficult. His ears could not hear the vehement clap of thunder. His clothes were soaked through, and they seemed to cling onto him, determined to suffocate him. Chang Ge had knelt, but had long collapsed onto the cold, wet soil. Sun pried her fingers, clutching desperately onto herself protectively.

In her arms was two of their children, small faces pale and peaceful. Sleeping. That was how it seemed.

They breathed no air. The one year-old had been cut open on the throat, his small neck agape with layers of sliced flesh and gurgling blood, dyeing his clothes red down his chest. The older one, who had protected his little brother with nothing but a small knife had an open gash by his heart, a trail of blood running down the corner of his mouth. Chang Ge choked in a sob as Sun took them into his arms, wiping the blood with the rain with his thumb.

He had to be strong. He knew he had to be strong. He just couldn't be.

Sun watched their lifeless faces until it blurred away. He hugged their bodies onto himself, and cried. For the first time in forever, he cried. He found no other way to let go of the burning feeling in his chest and the painful constriction in his throat, the indelible anguish and hot anger. He had protected no one.

It seemed that the more he screamed, the pain faded a little. When he stopped, it arose. So he screamed. He bellowed and roared at the wind, the rain, the soil, at everything and everyone. He did not know when Chang Ge had joined him, crying and choking, heaving and wheezing as she stroked their hair.

"Papa," a small voice called. He was lost in his sorrows, but it shook him from his deafness. When the blindness faded from his eyes, he saw that the children had crowded around them, eyes red and swollen, voices a frail croak. "Mama,"

Sun slackened his hold, his own voice spluttered their last traces, letting the siblings see the dead. None pretended that they were alive. Denial felt like a double-edged sword. They were supposed to go hunting together the next morning. The youngest had yet to be able to say all seven names.

The one who needed most comfort was not Sun, nor was it Chang Ge. They gathered their children, and wept as a family.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter format is different, first time for everything I guess.

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Friendship as insipid as water._

* * *

One

Once, they were just boys. They were robbed of their prerogatives to be raised and taken care of by a family who loves them, brought to war no child should ever witness, wielding sabers taller than they were, and arrows longer than their arms.

Once, he was a filthy bastard with mixed ancestry. He's not one of us, said the older, bigger boys who beat him up as he cried. With a wooden club, a young boy boxed them in the ear in one fell swoop. Sun, the adoptive son to the Greater Khan. They knew Jiali Khan did not give much mind to him who he had adopted on a whim.

More than once, they would lie down on the grass, conscience hazy, breaths heavy, and blood in their mouths. While Mujin tried to wipe away his tears, Sun would reach for the skies and curse loudly, "Damn it! We'll get bigger and stronger. Then they'll pay!"

Mujin felt embarrassed then, for crying. He couldn't stop his tears. 'We', he said. So he croaked hoarsely, "I'll think of a plan. I'll make sure we win next time,"

He would still sniffle and try to hold it in when his skin tore. But at least he led his General to victory.

After their first battle, Mujin stopped crying at all. Through the litter of familiar faces, frozen with fear and horror, mottled with blackened blood he waded, shoulders hunched and eyes blank, hair an unrecognisable dark color. Sun patted his back and said,

"Let's go home,"

Perhaps it was those words, or maybe Sun himself that pushed him to survive every one of their battles.

Sun was simple-minded. He was reckless, and he made crazy, risky decisions. At anywhere else but the battlefield, he was an idiot. He was an idiot, but no fool. Even this conclusion baffled Mujin, but he couldn't find a better way to phrase it. Sun was simply an idiot, but just not a fool.

* * *

Two

Sun was different, yet the same as him.

Their rough-housing with the other boys always earned them broken skin and bruised muscles, but by the end of the day, they had mothers to pick them up, scold them for their apparent fights and complaining about dirty laundry as they whined and protested that it was nothing. Sun and Mujin had no one to come for them, as they watched the retreating figures of a mother and his son.

It was much too late for envy and falsely-conjured images of overlapping his own self next to a figure of a mother. A question escapes his mouth, "..Sun. Have you met your biological mother?"

The boy pouted, stubbornly watching the scalding sight of something he did not have. "My mother--"

"My mother is prettier than Ke Ji's!"

That was irrelevant, but all the same was rather sad. Sun was no bastard, but he covets affection not unlike one.

* * *

Three

"Congratulations, Tegin Sun," addressed Mujin, leaning on the threshold as Sun admired the new saber, a gift of the Great Khan. The blond quirked a brow as the addressee remained silent. Somehow understanding the gist of Sun's thoughts, he huffed and approached him with a pat on a taut shoulder. "You did it, Sun," Mujin declared with a slight smile.

Sun shrugged away, then circled his own arm over Mujin's shoulders, pulling him close. "We did it,"

At his sudden outburst of mirth, Mujin laughed.

"We did it!"

Everything was going to be better from then on, thought Mujin. Despite Sun's insurmountable stubbornness to insist heading out to the battle fronts, he now has men he can trust to watch their general. They fought and fought, won and won, over and over again. Talk of the adopted son of the Great Khan--Ashina Sun's valiance spread within the Khaganate. Hushed conversations of notoriety of a capable young general within the Turk's ranks were exchanged within the Tang Imperial Palace. Comrades revered him with admiration and respect while enemies vied him with wary eyes.

"I knew I was right to make you my son!" laughed Ashina Duobi, taking a swig of strong wine.

As Mujin snorted into his cup and glared furtively at the corner of the rug the Khan graced himself upon, Sun gleamed with gratitude and humility, eager to please his benefactor. What they both failed to see was the concealed venom in calm smiles and warm chuckles of Ashina She'er.

To Tölis Khan, Sun was not much at all so he paid him no heed. She'er, however, saw another competitor. He did not initiate an all out war, he went with supple ways. When he sabotaged Sun's food rations during battle, the young Tegin simply attacked the enemy tribe sooner and ravaged their provisions. When he snuck diseased horses into the Great Khan's gift, the teenager simply ordered his men to engage a guerrilla of foot soldiers. Then he employed women to wreck havoc in Ashina Sun's camp. It first started when two men fought for a woman, lying to both men that she loved them, but claiming before Sun and the whole tribe that they forced her to engage in a non-consensual relationship and that she was pregnant with a rapist's baby. The men blamed the other and fought. As they begun missing teeth and shaving off fingers and gouging eyes, Sun cut the woman in the torso and told them to each share half of her.

Mujin was already into his investigation of the woman's origins before Sun told him to. Once Ashina She'er slashed down Mujin's spy, another wave of women and slaves had already arrived in Sun's camp. Several particular women immediately began conspiring, using the young Tegin's former arbitration as means to strengthen the Turks' unfairness towards the women. Talk of rebellion began spreading within wives of the men, plotting the poisoning of their wine, burning grain storage and freeing the horses and sheep herds. Meanwhile, other women intended to charm the unmarried men, not excluding the Tegin and his right-hand man with their guile and wiles. They weren't too late to act this time, when a beautiful woman met Sun in his yurt, he promptly slit her throat before she could open her pretty, red mouth. Foreign women were tortured for information and were beheaded, heads staked on the herd's fence as a threat to the wives who still had any ideas. From then on, Sun decreed that offering women were to be used once and then purged. 

They knew who did it. The Lesser Khan knew that they knew. The Greater Khan knew, but decided to keep quite. Whenever a snide comment of Sun's questionable loyalty and greed reaches his ears, he would offer them onto battle as sacrificial pawns. Not many wise men fancied a life of constant perils. With men depleted, and enemies abundant, Sun and Mujin sharpened their skills and wits in barren ground.

"Why," Mujin asked, one ashen day, feeling frustrated for his friend. "Why do you try so hard?"

He's had enough. The Great Khan thrusted him into the battle fronts, and not just once or twice or thrice, yet he lost none. Sun was just a common soldier for years; until he vanquished a trespasser from the West. The adolescent was made a Tegin, and his renown collected men who respected him greatly as the only Tegin of Jiali Khan to ever win his position from hard-earned victories, yet this has not convinced the Greater Khan to favour him like he does his blood kin.

Sun smirked and whirled around, metal ringing as blood danced in arcs.

What aggravated Mujin the most was that Sun never questioned, never got mad, never felt as if he was treated unfairly. The teenager would just looked forth with piercing blue eyes and said yes, as if the signing his life was as easy as agreeing to the weather.

"How long are you going to keep up with this--this farce?"

With his hands on his knees and eyebrows a line of seriousness, Sun considered.

Not once did his blue eyes flicker, until they sliced onto Mujin's gaze.

"Forever."

Mujin stormed out of the yurt, palms bleeding from a tight fists, not forgetting to break the vases of wine--gift of the Great Khan--that stood by the door's side on his way. Ashina Sun shrugged, he knew Mujin would be mad.

Mujin was furious, and he planned thousands of ways to kill Ashina Duobi and millions of ways to kill Ashina She'er. As he abused the wilting grass and shed fruits from a tree, he knew that he would inevitably side by his Tegin.

* * *

Four

Cool wind agitated the tent flap, welcoming gentle rays of sunlight, and Mujin stopped to admire the strange sense of serenity and promise of ominosity. A quaintly picturesque depiction of the calm before the storm.

He once fretted for his friend after his prolonged absence from the grasslands without a word of notice, but caught himself and laughed. Sun will come back. Mujin was supposed to supervise the tribe in his place, and when he does come back... be it he himself, or just a husk of his body, he'd be home.

Mujin sighed and went back to his work.

_Home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made so many things up, even I'm appalled.  
> *Ke Ji's mom: this scene is canon, from chapter 47.2. How do I know the dialogue that transpired? The benefits of having a roommate from Mainland China is how.
> 
> P.S.  
> As you can probably tell, I am running out of prompts. I'm taking in suggestions, and you can tell me what you want to see more of.


	23. Chapter 23

**Truth in Wine**

**©2015**

_One day, three autumns._

* * *

They haven't seen the other for three years, both busy tracing their ancestry and fighting for their own causes--now that the air was cleared of battle cries, the soil clean from clutters of bodies and harsh croaks of crows who perched on ownerless swords, skies a pristine blue without a trace of overcast smoke of a distant fire. After a full day of aberrations and divertissements one after another, they finally had time of their own.

Something felt different.

The waxing moon felt full instead, the barren, gnarled trees with withering leaves seemed like purple wisteria quivering against the wind, and his blue eyes glimmered like ice. Up on a hill, they overlooked the orange lights of the encampment. Chang Ge hated the fact that she struggled to find words to say.

"It seems like we can expect a late winter. Aren't you fortunate," she decided finally.

"Only you can make a remark of the weather an insult,"

"It was a compliment,"

"Feh," snorted the general, "Hardly. I have trouble remembering the last time you said anything remotely nice about me,"

"Well. Gives you a perspective on retrospection, doesn't it?"

He said nothing--despite knowing that there's bound to be something good about him--chafing his boots against the litter of leaves on the soil.

The Han turned from her seat on a tree bark's fallen carcass to look at him, one sleeve coyly lifted against her mouth, and with a tilt of her eyebrows she said, "Oh dear, I didn't mean to crush your ego..."

A vein on his temple throbbed, making his eye twitch.

"...but sulking is truly unbecoming of you," she looked away mockingly with a pained knit of her brows, too disgusted to meet his eyes.

Chang Ge chuckled when she heard the clink of a sword being drawn.

* * *

The two continued to chat idly under the shade of the illusion of the hunched wisteria, its illusory scent sweetening the air. Truth be told, only when Chang Ge had a glimpse of his face did she realise how much she missed the comfort of having him close. A feeling she couldn't explain; first they were enemies, second they became a master and his subordinate, third they became brothers, but that hadn't worked out--fourth, they became comrades.

The Tegin and his former advisor enjoyed a momentary silence, relishing in the night's breeze and an especially beautiful view, until Sun decided that it was a fine moment to ask.

"Have you plans on settling down?"

The question was an arrow that rang straight and true, piercing her into paralysis. She stood, back facing him, stationary as if he she had not heard what he said. The delay was long enough for him to raise a questioning brow. As if on cue, Chang Ge whirled backwards to face him, feet stumbling. Determined eyes locked onto hers, as his hand caught a lock of her hair. Not even the breeze could shake his gentle, yet firm hold. Scent of a fictitious wisteria was dizzying, and the wind whispered strangely. Sun kissed her hair, eyes unblinking.

He had a distinct, smug cock of his mouth at her wide, alarmed eyes. Scaling up the long, dark strands, he tucked the lock behind her ear, and Chang Ge felt like squirming under the brief touch of his fingers on her face. Without further words, he left--intuition told her that she might implode should she follow his retreating figure.

The ambrosial air cloyed, and the warmth chaffed against her skin. Chang Ge bit her lip, and promptly covered her face with both sleeves. The world has no need to see her red face.

She regretted dressing as a man that day.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your prompts are HARD AF

**Truth in Wine**

**© 2015**

_Of the blindness of love and insatiable greed._

* * *

“What life would you have had, should no blood be shed in the Palace?”

“You jest,” she scoffed, “For as long as I am Han, and I am royal-born, bloodshed is inevitable,”

“Have an imagination already,” he said, not as annoyed as what Chang Ge anticipated—almost subdued.

They stood at the edge of a precipice overlooking vast seas of snow-mottled grass, sliced by a narrow stream of newly melted ice. It was one of their regular walks together. Chang Ge followed his gaze towards a crooked-legged deer, bent over the cool water. “What are you thinking?”

“Is it strange to you that I am?”

She smiled. “No, otherwise it means you do not take advise from your advisor.

I’d be a dull, forgotten princess. I’d be tribute to appease our enemies, or a consolation to a man of the court. I’d be a dutiful wife, and bear offspring. I’d age, calmly, slowly, peacefully. I’d see my children age, and my husband pass before me. Then I’d pass on myself.”

Before a silence settled, Sun said, “Impossible.”

The former princess frowned. “I dislike your confidence. How is it impossible?”

“You have ambition. You are a troublemaker. A peaceful life does not suit you.”

“You are confused. Are you relating to me, or yourself?”

Sun scoffed, but still kept his back to her.

“That Li Chang Ge simply isn’t Li Chang Ge. Your answer was poor.”

His advisor swallowed dryly. “Please demonstrate a correct one then,”

“Say you were sent into the enemy’s harem. Cunning and conniving, yet eloquent and cautious, you became a favored consort. You will silently employ men you can trust, and under a pretense of being incapable of reading or uninterested in politics you would spy on your husband’s work. You’d tamper with papers, and sow doubt within enemy ranks. You’d crush the enemy, cause bloodshed, but win victory for your dynasty. Your name would be in records, renown through the ages.”

“…I suppose I ought to be happy for the high praise. Bloodshed not within the Palace, but in the enemy’s.” she said, a hint of bitterness biting in her tone. "However beautiful dreams are, reality is before us,"

Sun turned to look at her, dressed warmly, yet red on the nose and dry on the lips. He extended an arm, palm open beckoningly.

Their romance was young, and it remained a foreign concept to Chang Ge. She stared at the hand and caught herself, and looked down. Blood warmed her face inadvertently, and she lifted her hand, icy fingers brushing his sharply warm skin, as tentatively as the deer drinking from the stream. The Khitan pulled her forward and slowly brought her hand against his mouth, kissing her nails and thawing them with hot breaths.

With a quivering chin and knitted brows, Chang Ge desperately avoided his gaze as he took her other hand. Hot flesh moistened her fingertips, and she inhaled sharply. Sun was persistent with his hold despite her sudden retreat of hands.

Cheeks hot, Chang Ge forced her gaze to meet his. “It’s dirty, you fool,”

Sun responded with teeth against nails, and two fingers against his tongue. Outraged and embarrassed, she leapt back. Sun caught her by the waist, and she tasted his breath, their faces close.

His eyes were an intoxicated blue, and she felt the urge to look away. Big, callused hands cupped her face, thumb on the nub of her ear.

Their lips grazed once, twice, until they moulded into each other in a brief, warm kiss. Both their eyes were cloudy when they opened them to gauge one another.

It was cold when it ended, but Chang Ge developed a thirst for it, startling Sun into another kiss.

Breathless, Sun's voice was thick and quiet. “If you had a life different from this one, I wouldn’t have experienced that," 

“Experienced what?”

“The taste of one Li Chang Ge,”

And Sun kissed her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kill me now. *cries*  
> I hope this wasn't an overkill. Thanks for the comments guys, I'll try to do something..


End file.
